We’re watching the NFL draft so you don’t have to

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Welcome to the Deadspin NFL Draft 2023 tracker. If you love the NFL, but hate sitting through the NFL Draft, you’ve come to the right place. Maybe you’re playing pickleball, or you can’t stand Roger Goodell, or the annual traditions of super-embarrassing interviews with players and family members are putting you off.

Either way, we’ll be here tracking both the picks and the drama throughout Round 1. Be sure to check back!

Updates (latest in above):

  • Maybe we don’t have to make visibly disappointed sounds about recruits.
  • Beg someone to write a new song about Alabama
  • Did we just picture that scary mural in the Lions draft room?
  • Imagine spending money to travel to the draft because you’re a die-hard Titans fan.
  • So many white suits.
  • The sincerity and seriousness of the recruits is precious. We ride at dawn if anyone hurts any of them.
  • Nothing reminds you that they are still kids in giant adult bodies like seeing the fit of some of these costumes.
  • The trope of NFL teams and draft picks at romantic dinners is still unnecessary.
  • Travis Kelce loses points for mentioning Fight For Your Right to Party again.
  • Kristen Schaal and Eric Stonestreet get points for not being Paul Rudd, Jon Hamm. or Jason Sudeikis, the standard KC celebs.
  • Now it’s time for the Commissioner’s annual boo. Majestic.
  • We start off with an embarrassing video bundle with Brian Baumgartner: who we love – and Rob Riggle, who loses points for too many bad NFL sketches on FOX, but gets points back for letting Dwight steer the ship. Honestly, at first I didn’t think it was part of the festivities. It looked more like a PointsBet commercial.

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